Christmas is coming!

Hola! Went out to town with my fav boy to do his school stuffs. Didn't really shop but managed to get a bag that I looooove a lot at only 20bucks! Yippie yay! The day ended with us singing ktv with his family and HSH. Day was well spent but I want more! And the Christmas lightings is boooootiful!

Some happy moments to share! HEHEHEHE I lost another kg!! One step closer to my ideal weight. Then I'll maintain already! The feeling was soooooo good. Heh. And I cut my fringe. No more long long fringe. Hehe, alright bye!

Gotta meet up my boy and ah bui later~ Been so long since the 3 of us hang out and talk cock!

Boyfee

His new haircut!

2011 is coming to an end soon. It's gonna be the 7th year that we're gonna move on into a brand new year together with all smiles and new resolutions. 

Being together for 7 years is a long journey for the both of us. Our relationship is not a recognition to many others. It was tough at the beginning, being in a secretive relationship. How others known about it remains unknown. I don't wanna know either.

We set off as really good friends. He told me about his relationship problems and everything under the sun. Confided in me a lot and we talked on the phone everyday. It was just purely 'I-am-your-friend' kind of thing. It was a happy friendship.. Did all rebellious stuffs together. Skipping school and hanging and bumping around our good friend's place. But, one thing for sure that he did more than a friend was treating me exceptionally good and always sending me to my door step making sure I'm home. 

How we got together is a pretty funny thing. I think he took up a lot of courage to ask if he could hold my hand. And it was how it all started.. Haha.. Funny. Maybe both of us know the feelings between us. This relationship happens so naturally.. He didn't ask if I could be his girlfriend. He didn't woo me like how others did. It just falls into place and tadah~ BAM! We're a couple. A funny one. 

The first gift he got me as a friend was a pasar malam bracelet. Haha.. We were on our way back to my home and I asked swiftly if he's willing to buy this white-orange round beads bracelet. No hesitation made and he bought it for me. Then when we got together the first gift I had from him was a Winnie the Pooh.. The first time he celebrated my birthday with me was when I'm 16. He skipped school and prepared a candlelight lunch.. All round his house were candles.. Scented and non-scented ones.. Although it was just maggie mee (HAHAHAHAHA WTF) but I really appreciate his sweet gesture. Presented me a bouquet of flowers and a carved bracelet. 

Too many things to say in this 7 years. Memories, memories, memories.. Never ending ones..

How to not love this man? HAHA. Crazy!!

Twelve cupcakes

Here I go again about food.. Can't get enough of all the nice food around. To be honest, I've been spending too much on food that I am going real broke soon. Sigh. Should stop this habit of mine hunting good food around Singapore. Maybe when I'm out working, then the hunt will fully begin. Haha..

Ever heard of the Twelve Cupcakes? Yes. It was kinda famous. Opened by Jamie and her husband Daniel Ong! Yeah, a celebrity shop that sells cupcakes! Well, I should say that their cupcakes were not those fondant ones (practically can't be eaten).. Some might be disappointed cuz there isn't any cutesy cartoon characters sitting on top of the cupcakes.. :( As sad as you should be, but be glad that their cupcakes can be all gobbled down without the stupid fondant stuffs sitting on top. You will enjoy it... They do customization as well..

Pretty pink box to hold 6 cupcakes. 

I tell you, their cupcakes were effin' yummy. You would have regretted not buying more I tell ya! I'm regretting it now. :( The cake is light, moist and fluffly.. Their toppings weren't too sweet and it blends freakingly well with the cake itself. When I took the first bite of the Red Velvet cupcake, I soar up to the sky. Hahahahaha! FC and I shared it and the both of us can't stop singing praises on how good the RV really is!! 

I've EVER tasted cupcakes that were as hard a rock, bland and dry! You can close down your business cuz you simply don't even bother about your consumers! 

I can't stop repeating how good it was.. You guys should really go try it yourselves! Anyway there are 2 outlets. One at Millenia the other at United Sq. 

Red velvet, Rum and Raisin (specials), Coffee, Orea and Chocolate!

Box of 6 is gonna cost you $17. If you picked their specials, extra 50cents would be charged.

OMGAH, I'm going down next week again to buy!!! 

Drowned dead

Sometimes, I just wish that I can drown myself with all of these sorrows and anger in me till I die. I find no point in living in this world. At the age of 21... What did I achieved? I sympathize myself sometimes for being such a god damn loser in everything. I wasted my youth, my early age of an adulthood suck and everything is going on so wrong for me at home. I don't have a place.. The thought of telling people I am still studying in a polytechnic really saddens me. I'm afraid.. More than afraid of anything that people will look down on me. I hated that feeling.. I've been looked down, not once not twice but many a times by people and sometimes my family. Friends are taking their degree... Me? The smell and touch of diploma seems so far.. When? Tell me.. I'm tired.. Tired of everything that I put myself through. Mainly all the shits I get.. is really pissing me off..

After all of these.. Who can I blame?

No one but me. I made it all happened.. ALL. ALL my fault.

Staying here just makes me weaker as I grow older.. I need to find somewhere far away..

What's worst.. What hurts me the most is when I did all I could to impress you. You chose to ignore it and make me feel unimportant. We're no longer that close anymore.

Ann Siang Hill

I think I edited a little too much for this photo. Haha!

Anyway, I've finally went to Ann Siang Hill yesterday. The purpose there was to aim at this small little maybe around 8 seater cafeteria for its famous dessert that many people raved about. And now I've finally set foot into this little shop that sells both desserts and some cutesy vintagy stuffs. Hmmm.. I am not a vintagy person and well, nothing of the vintage stuffs attracted me! 

It was a really sunny afternoon yesterday. And the train ride to Tanjong Pagar killed me and fc. Sigh.. I hate taking trains. Really. Anyway, its a walking distance and you might need 10 mins to reach the destination. It's somewhere around Maxwell food centre, you need to walk a little further down, then you'll be able to see the street sign. :) Easy peasy for street idiots like us to able to find it! Hahahah!

The famous dessert store is called Kki and there's this store called Oakham Market. Which was sadly enough, under some renovation. :( I heard their clothings were pretty cheap and nice. Sigh.. What a day! Settled ourselves in and we chose......

Hazelnut pastry. 

My all time favourite Tiramisu!

It was a disappointment.. I had better tiramisu elsewhere at a Japanese rastaurant! The hazelnut pastry was okay.. I really do love nutty desserts but this is not that good afterall. And it tasted "lao hong". Yeah, you guess it right, it cost us a bomb to have a not very nice not very worth it kind of desserts at 32bucks. And they cheated me with pokka green tea drink! This is absurd. Really.. What's more? They pour me only a fucking glass. 1 small tiny weeny glass. Like what?! A 1.5l bottle of green tea cost you at most $2.10 and you pour me not even a 300ml drink! Bloody hell.. AND FUCK THE GREEN TEA COST $3. If you wanna sell ice pokka green tea, fucking sell a can and charge me $3. I still can take it. Don't fucking pour me a glass and charge me 3! But their ambience was good.. Other than that not really worth it for the price you pay. 

Enough of that, not returning to that place anymore. 

BYE!

Busy bumble bee

Im having this love hate relationship that is going on in my life right now.. Been too busy to slowly enjoy life, slowly enjoy my first year of an adult and slowly enjoy the wonderful taste of food and the power of happy shopping.. One thing I love how busy I am right now makes me feel that I made an accomplishment in my life.. The hating part? That's when I feel that I am living in a very systematic way.. It bores me, big time. I've been very much caught up with school, projects, work, love and family.. I can feel myself suffocating slowly. Wait.. Maybe I've already master the art of suffocating myself with these shitload of stuffs that I exceed the normal level.. In short, maybe, I'm succumbed to this life..

No longer beautiful and colorful anymore.

How sad? Maybe.. Just maybe.. I grew up. I weigh my priorities right and set realistic goals. No.. Maybe not to the extend of setting a realistic goal, but at least I know I need to work hard for a better future..

My love? No comments.. Ups and downs is inevitable. What more can I say? 就是走一步算一步咯。

Sigh..

So tired..

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Fartsy; You and Me

Kept farting for the past hour. Tsk.. Hahahahahaha!!

Life's so stagnant these days. Hate it! Only thing that I'm occupied with is school. Upcoming projects plus work during the weekends. Gotta pull through this semester. Cuz gonna 9 to 5 from Monday to Friday. I think it's gonna kill me big time.

Anyway, I'm working as an Assistant teacher for a reading programme now. The job scope is alright and really stress free. Met really nice girls there and some of the kids were really amazing. I really enjoy working there although the travelling part really did increase my transport expense a lot. :(

I'm really glad that I left my previous work place. Really really glad. Because it made me less grumpy and stress now. Yay!

You and Me on replay for the n time.

Ciao and have a great week people!

Hectic life plus not a so bitchy post

Life has been pretty hectic these days... With all the new modules, new classmates, new environment and new tutors/lecturers.. Trying really hard to fit into all.. Really can't wait to graduate. Too old for all of these, too old to crack stupid jokes and too old to keep up with the energy these youngsters have.

Feeling really tired these days.. I kept sleeping and sleeping. Now, while I'm blogging, I'm starting to feel the tiredness kicking in.. What's wrong?

Spending lesser and lesser time together with Ben.

***

Anywayz, was saying that I wanted to say something bitchy.. But that feeling wear off.. So now, all I wanted to say is....

If YOU really treat her as your BUDDY, you would have stayed for the celebration. And, you don't have to keep asking what time am I coming. It's definitely none of your business at all. And why are you so afraid of seeing me? Done something evil behind my back? Bet so. You know on that day, you're just making a fool out of yourself. Playing hide and seek and those whatnots. Please, think! Sigh, you're just being pathetic. Come on, grow up together with mature thoughts.. What you're doing is simply childish. AND for fuck sake, you have NO IDEA how upset your BUDDY was when you just shove all sorts of excuses to not attend her celebration. The excuse? Only you yourself know it best if it was true.

If you really treat my dearest babe as your really good friend or buddy, whoever is coming that you hated, it is still gonna make you stay. Cuz you know why? You treasure the years of friendship you guys built. Moreover, she invited you is because she still treasure this friendship. If she don't give bloody 2 fucks about you, you will be uninvited. Easy as that. So please, go think. Go reflect on yourself, girl. You may have just lose a very nice and good friend just because you wanted to "avoid" me. Pathetic as much as I want to say it to your face. The avoidance was so obvious. Sigh, didn't know I had such a strong power to make a person like you go down on four legs.

And, what's the reason for all these mind games you're playing with yourself? And, may I ask, the reason of hating me? I soooooooo wanted to know. Looking forward to your reply. Maybe you won't, cuz you're gonna avoid again. Lol..

Hating me won't make you any prettier. :) Remember that.

Now, you've finally gotten my attention. What else do you want? I am more than willing to give whatever you asked for.. Just like how Kiki begged me for a treat.

Deep thoughts

Sometimes it really set me thinking if I had made the correct choice few years back. What would life become when the decision was not made and I moved on?

All these years of my life, I always hold the thought of giving in to anyone that I love. But look, what did I actually get? Sometimes, I think that I've been too nice but sometimes I think I'm really selfish. I've been helping people sorting out their thoughts and giving advices till I lost track of the emotions that I should really get. I always always always damn always make others' problems, my problem and try my best to settle it. Then, it made me become stress, useless and tired after all of these..

& when I'm alone, I don't think. My mind is always in a total blank and I just take whatever is coming along...

Actually, I'm not happy at all and I feel the need to be alone.. After all these while, what did I get? After all these while, what has others done to make me feel better?? I always question myself, am I happy?

Probably the answer would be no.

Photospam!

Today's such an enjoyable day out with him. Simple date, simple food, simple us.

I'm a really happy girl today!

Bf always look so tired in pictures. :( he really does look better in real life. He needs to find his perfect angle for picture taking la! Need to teach him alrdy!!!

And yes, he put on weight. Good!

Oh and picture is orangey because his dad changed his room's lighting to this. Super love it for camwhoring but still prefer normal white lights for his room.

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Photoscape - Erode

I'm too bored. Like really, other than work during the weekends, my weekdays were practically watching dramas after dramas, comedies after comedies and movies after movies. I know, boring life. Seriously, sometimes having a looooonnnnnnggggg holiday really kills unless you're working your ass off. If not, Singapore is too boring for anyone to live in. Anyone as in us, Singaporeans. Too tiny weeny to travel/shop/whatsoever. And it is to the extend that almost everywhere you go, all the shops sell the same thing. Yes, that bad. And it may set you thinking... "Wa lao, if I buy this one like very common. But nice leh! Buy or not? Later see people wear the same thing as me, then is sibei paiseh one leh!". Ya lor.

Wa sian.. I feel sleepy the moment I start blogging.....

OK!

I've got something to share! And it's about pohtohshopshop! HAHAHA, yes! Photoshop! Okay, although I suck at photoediting but I think the basic skills of contrasting or simi sai (any shit) I still buay pai (not bad). I don't know how to shape the face nor do I know how to make your eyes change its colors or make your eyes big big. But fuckyeah, I do know how to click on the buttons and do some film effect! And, if you are reading this, if you don't know how to resize your photos, go bang the wall plszx. HAHAHAHA!

Until recently... I found out something about this amazing... also not say very amazing. Ehhh.. function in Photoscape! Yes, the very sibei cool function called erode! It just basically makes you look better than the original photo! Let me show you.

See the diff? You think which one more swee then that is the one being "eroded".

If you think the one on the left more swee then you gotta get your eyes check! The one on the left has gone through leveling, contrasting, blooming (normal) and resizing. The one on the right has been eroded (x2). :) Eroded photos tend to make you look prettier (hehehe) and it really add a chicaboom effect on your features. See my eye area? It became darker and my eyes look more swee. My jawlines and chin became more define and the photo just made you became the right shade. If I'm not wrong, it has a little blurring effect and it definitely smoothens your complexion. The plus plus point of eroding is.. LOOK AT MY FUCKING EYEBALL! HAHAHAHA! So black, so round, so nice!

Let me show you another photo.

Okay. This one! On the left is the original photo! Dull! The one on the right had gone through leveling, contrasting, blooming (normal), resizing and eroding! You can really see the difference now! Of course, contrasting your pictures makes it better! If it is just by eroding, it doesn't make your photo nicer! See my eyeball now so dark. LOL!

The function, erode, can be found under PHOTOSCAPE - BRIGHT/COLOR. I don't know if other programs have it or not but if you wanna swee swee and have dark dark eyeballs and more define features, download photoscape! It's free anyway! :)

Maybe many others already know about this function. BUT! Here it is to those who don't know about it! Just something to warn you about eroding... You can do it as many fucking times as you like! But don't overdo it cuz you'll look fake. :) Like really fake. Come, I got sample show you.

3rd eroding done! FAKE LIAO DUI BU DUI! Look like oil painting hor? LOL!

Okay. Me very tired already. Oh ya! Stay tune for my next post. Gonna be a bitchy one. Like fucking bitchy kind. 

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CIAO!

Photoedit

So long since I've posted a picture of myself. Anyway was playing with my photography app on iPhone! Photo above is confirm got edit one la! The non edited version!





Puffy eyes, dried lips and unwash mouth! Hahahha!

Nothing much to say.

Oh ya! I did have something to say! Wait till I am fully awake then maybe I'll blog about it.

Till then, take care everyone! :)

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Not happy

You know, I've never once wanted to blog about it because I don't want others to pin point me about this situation. But things has been going in the wrong direction lately and it is crossing my limits very soon.

I've never once wanted to lose this respect to you and have been trying really really fucking hard not to get this hatred get within me. But I've been facing it every single day with the same problem that I find it hard to cope with the emotions already. I feel that this hatred thing is getting into me, unknowingly. I am not happy at all. I'm tired of ignoring. So very tired. No one can help me to solve this situation. But sometimes, I just needed to rant about it and people just shove me with "Just ignore" to make me shut the fuck up. It just makes me feel worst and lost cause that's when I realised, they are not facing the problem together with me. In fact, I think I am the only person who is facing this stressfulness that is still arising.

Ben told me, its either you turn the situation around or you just live with it. But the thing is, the problem doesn't lies in me. I know this problem is inevitable but with my own pair of eyes, I see that it only happens to me. I admit that I am person who will have the worst attitude ever if you ever push your fucking guts around and irritates me. I get frustrated really easily and I won't do things that is beyond my own rights. If after my own reflection, I still think that I am not in the wrong, I find no reason why should I change/apologise just to accommodate the situation so that both parties can be happy. The reason is simple, I am not in the wrong and I strongly has my own stand. I need no fucking passerbys or you, you and you to tell me what should I do. The person that should change, is not me but you.

Speaking of this situation, I've already lost my clear mind to think. I get irritated, frustrated, angry and depress. But I literally swallowed this emotions back into me cuz I don't wanna flare up. It's simple, cuz I did it out of respect. A fucking word: respect. I don't want to hurt any party nor do I want people to look at me is an unfilial child. Cuz I know I am not. I am trying my very best to stay cool. Very fucking cool...

I don't want things to turn out nasty. I just hope somebody can enlighten this situation to make us feel better. But.. I lost all hope when I heard that many methods and talkings had been used but nothing is taking effect at all. So, in the end, I just have to live with it. Am I right? Yes so fucking right.

Results are not making me any happier too. Althought my GPA is still above 3 but I just feel that I can do better than this when I am not living in this current situation. I know that I shouldn't blame, but what? How would you feel when you're mugging and somebody comes in and stares right behind your back everyday? How would you feel that when you're thinking real hard for an answer and somebody just comes into the room and ask you questions which you've already answered, a no? How would you feel that when you're really concentrating and people comes in the room and forced you about something? How would you feel if you were to study in the dark and people is just sleeping beside you snoring?

People just don't want to understand the situation I am going through. They thought that it is just the easy peasy kind of shit. But let me tell you, it is not easy peasy because you face the same problem every single day. Who knows? Nobody. No one. Just because it is not happening to them, they think that it is easy to handle such situation. I don't know how to solve this situation. Don't know... It seems like there's actually nothing I can do.

No one should deserve this. No one.

And people whom I thought will care, does not.

Sometimes, I just need people to fully understand how I am feeling. I know it is difficult but never once did I expect much from my friends nor my loved ones.

I am a person who don't usually share my sorrows with others. But that doesn't mean that I am alright all the time when I don't share. I know, if I don't say who will know? Right..

I got to admit that I am always afraid that people will laugh at my sorrows.. That's why I choose not to share nor speak up. I know it's stupid but I don't wanna be a laughing stock. It was that bad..

Afterall, everyone is gonna be alone in the end. Why bother on who treats you better or who will be there.


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Life's good.

Fuck yeah!!


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I feel unwanted sometimes.

lurve moi boifwen.

Super grateful.
Super love him.
Super boifwen.

I'm seriously wondering who are these people speaking in Malay in my tagboard!

Maybe they are bots from some kind of website but it's weird! The webby I clicked on contain no virus nor whatsoever! So who the hell are they?!

Anyway im sick. So terrible horrible! The sore in my throat is really killing me everytime when I'm just swallowing my saliva. I don't even feel like opening my mouth to speak. It is that painful. :(

Oh shucks! I totally forgot about the honey lemon in my bag! It was supposed to be refrigerated! :(

And I'm damn pissed. KTPH did not bank my money. I think it was probably cuz I didn't print out the form to sign. But nevertheless! Every month they WOULD have collected the monthly punchcards and would have found something amiss when they didn't see my form what! Help me print out will die meh?! Just tally with the punchcard will do and pay me as usual. Unless they don't bother checking and just throw my punchcard!! Moreover, I didn't even work for a month! How do u want me to print out the form?! The form thing is seriously stupid! Bloody hell, I did work for a few days during aug and they fucking pay me. If not I'll go there and make a scene.

Irresponsible as it is. This simply shows they don't care about their workers at all. And maybe their patients too! No wonder so many complains.

Better fucking pay me!


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Sometimes I just wish I can voice out any thoughts that was running through my mind without hurting.. But humans always "choose" to listen to nice things. Hell to that. 

I did something really really guilty that whenever I think of it, it really disgust me. No confessions, no no no. Don't bother asking, I wont say,.

I've been clubbing more this year. I dont wanna it to become a habit that I need to club every week. But I just love to go club and dance to the rhythm and be crazy. Bad. This is bad. I shouldn't even be doing it. Was forcing bf to club with me so that I can enjoy myself and not be wary of the surroundings. Like I can have fun without any worries.. But he refused to and always give me the look. The look as in don't fucking ask me to club, I hate it.. Well, I shall stop for the time being and see how it goes. The last time really scares me cuz I felt numbness. And I don't even know what did I said to ben on the phone. 

And well, no words can describe how much I love my sibs. They are the best people on earth that really cares about me and I can share anything with.. Felt fortunate, really. 

I need to rant about something but I'm afraid that people will misunderstand me and they cant really sense my tone in the post. 

6th

When all goes wrong and my life runs amok,

I think of you, and I get unstuck;

In the midst of chaos, you make my heart sing;

You're my peace, my happiness, my everything.

Happy 6th anniversary to Bennifer!!!

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Sechs

Spotted something? Hehe.. 

BYE!

SBS

I'm fucking bored. Nothing to do online and I'm freaking having my hols now!!

OH AND I LOST WEIGHT. HAPPY LIKE ANYTHING. Ok I don't have the mood to blog already. HAHAHA!

Shall wait till something exciting or whatsoever to happen!

FAT

You know, there isn't really any thing for me to be worried about until recently.. My weight gained is really scary.  I keep gaining weight! Like seriously.

SO RIGHT NOW I AM ON A DIET. No more nice food.

Fucking need to lose these kilos if not I really become bui liu liu. I DONT WANT! :(

Time to move on...

Deleted all posts regarding the unhappy stuffs that had happened and left me really devastated. 

Well, it's all over now and I am starting afresh! Yeap!

Happy and sad moments happened during this period of time. About a month? Not sure though. But I'm glad I will be able to share happy stuffs with people again! :D 

AND FUCKYEAH EXAMS ARE OVER!

New look!

Just changed my blog's layout. Pretty in pink! Oooohh yeah! Never a pink lover but well, this shade of pink really is nice leh. The colors blend really well. Hehe.

Now now now.

Exams are nearing and I am still not studying. Somebody motivate me please.

My cramps are really killing. Having said that.. Eating kitkat makes me feel better. Gonna go grab one now!

And I hope Ben really keep to his promise and bring me to Ikea next week!!! Please please please. Strong cravings for hotdog bun and meatballszszz. Really need to satisfy it. And know what? My cravings never say die. WAHAHAHAHA.

Blank

I think I look nice here but so different from real life. 

Heh. Fugly untrimed eyebrows. 

The wonder of beauty shot.. Left my flawless and fucking fair.

Mom and Dad. Us at the durian farm! :D

Now you see... Why I have such high cheekbones.. :( I got it from my Dad.

Hate the high cheekbones.

I'm sorry for the really devastating posts for the past few days. Things has been going on fine for now. I'm back to my happy self. :) Really got my paranoia and negative mode switched on. I was thinking that I really shouldn't continue this way. It was really tiring... Being sad and worried is so fucking tiring. I got so sick and tired of it the other day that I thought to myself that I should not be feeling this way already. Yeah, fuck it.

So yeap, me is happy now! And I knew so many stuffs.. I don't know I just feel happy. I feel that I'm being trusted and wanted.

And I had some awesome durians at Malaysia on Sunday! Yummmm. Me love durians, fishballszzz, mee sua, carrot cake, tao suan, dim sum, chawanmushi and etc. Hiakkkk! :D

Come to think of it, time passes so fast. It's gonna be our 6th year soon. This year was really special. We are gonna really really celebrate this year. Hehe.

My face become rounder. :( 

Love everybodeh that loves me!

省下的时间也不多，为何要伤心。

对不对？对呀。

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真的累了

好累好累。我快喘不过气了。。

My eyebags are really... Heavy.. I've never had this problem at all and now it came. Why like that? Why!!!! Sigh.. I'm so sick of everything in life..

If this continue on...

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Importance

So meeting your friend is more important than keeping the promise?

I shall not care anymore.

Totally feel being make use of. Totally...


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Somebody else

Don't force me to become somebody I was back then.

I changed into a better person and no one sees it. Then I change for fuck?! Seriously.

I am sick and tired of all these pretence. It is getting nowhere!

SERIOUSLY FML FUCKING HARD TO THE DAMN FUCKING CORE.

I REALLY FEEL LIKE SCOLD SOMEONE. ANYBODY WILLING TO LET ME SCOLD?! WA KNN FUCK SIA. WHY LIKE THAT.

Losing your mind

Projects are slowly taking my life away. I can feel myself dying inside me. Why is it so stressful? Always had this panic attack.. Or is it know as anxiety? Not sure though. Feeling breathless.

And my classmates all so chiong. Its like they didn't even stop to have a breather. They kept moving forward and forward and forward!

How I wish I'm not in this class... :(

& I hate work. Bloody hate it. I'm never happy ever since my Year 2 starts. I fucking hate this.

I know, it's a roller coaster ride.

Been on a roller coaster ride everyday for the past week. Such a torture.

So many things on my mind but I can't voice it out... Till I broke down yesterday in school. Very embarrassing and I was sobbing and crying alone at the back of the staircase. It was so terrible. So damn terrible. I don't blame anyone at all. And it was nobody's fault. I'm really sorry for whatever that had happened.

It was probably the first time that my mates saw me behaving like that.. Yes, like a kid. Sigh.

All I can say is, I did not handle the situation well. If everything was alright beforehand, such things would not happen. My fault, my fault. My mind is a whirl and everything came tumbling down.. Such an emotional wreck. How great it will be if people have no feelings. So that the people around you will not get affected as well.

All is fine now. :) Still trying to overcome all these shits.

Ben was really sweet yesterday.

When he opened the door for me.. I started bursting into tears and he listened attentively (I assumed). Nothing of the sort that he console me but all I need was a listening ear.. And that was what he did, listened. Problems like this have no solutions. So yup, there's nothing he can do.

Feel so loved yesterday. :)

All I ever asked for was these problems to be solved. I know this month is gonna be a very tough month and I'm so afraid. So so afraid.. Thinking about it makes me scared.. But I have to face it. What made it worst was the projects.. Especially the Marketing Management project.. The guidelines are redundant and I don't know how or where to start. :(

But something to be happy for was the ICAs results I had. Although not very good but I was expecting some modules to fail! But I passed it all and some modules were pretty good! :) Damn happy. Gonna work so hard.

& law presentation today was shitty. My tutor is shitty and I sort of screwed it up. :(

So many things to say...

***

I love you no matter what. I know you needed me. I know it is gonna be tough on you. I know it is non of my business at all but I love you.. That was why I am willing to carry the burden together with you. Please stay strong. :( I am prepared for the worst. I really am.. I will always be there for you no matter what it is. You came such a long long way..

You know, I am so scared.. I don't wanna lose you. I am so scared.

Yippie

Just wanna say my hair grew longer!! :D

幸福和快乐,谁能给?

心里一直觉得好不安.

其实, 我没资格去这么的想那么多. 也跟不应该把这些事情放在心上. 可是每一次都失败了.

算了, 想这么多也没有用. 因为到头来, 开心不开心全都靠自己. 谁能给你快乐和幸福呢? 只有自己才能.

I give up typing in Chinese. I hope don't have any mistakes ah. I think typing in Chinese can really bring out the feeling more to the post. But ya I failed because I have to think very hard for the next word. I can speak Chinese well but you ask me to type and write, no way. Hehe but I still chose to because like I said, got more feel~

Own thoughts

I love it when I managed to sort things out myself. Me so proud!

Although yesterday was a disaster, but everything's fine now! Well, I assumed. It was a roller-coaster ride last evening. My heart sank 3 times and my whole body feels numb, breathless and my mind is blank. Was doing my HR tutorials when it all happened. :(

Well, although the matter is not solved yet but I'm sure it's gonna be fine. Somehow somewhat, it will. I always believe that things can eventually be solved if you put in effort and determination into it. Giving up and ignoring things won't help. The same old problem might just arise again in the future. Why not just get it over and done with and move on right?

开心和幸福的感觉是自己珍取的.

I don't know if my chinese words are correct but ya. It sound the same anyway.

To me, dwelling in problems is just wasting my time.

I love to see, feel and succumb myself into beautiful things. This is what it is worth it. Cuz it simply makes me happy.

Emphatic

The important thing is not just sympathizing with or pitying others, but really understanding what they are going through. Empathy is crucial. Sometimes just having someone who really understands can give us the strength to go on. ~Ikeda

I'm not supposed to blog. If anything were to happen, I am to blame.

I need somewhere that I can rant. But where?

Things that made me think

Am I supposed to be alone?
Am I supposed to believe whatever you said?
Am I supposed to feel this way?
Am I supposed to not care about anything?
Am I supposed to live my life the way as it is?

Just some random thoughts that kept me thinking.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Stress

So many projects on hand that is incomplete or worst off, not started. Good game Jen. You're gonna be so dead meat. The individual assignment shouldn't be a problem because there are no restrictions and you write whatever you want in your own report. Sigh.

Anyway, other than projects.. I'm stressing over my weight. :( I don't understand why my weight can shoot up that fast! Like omg. The weirdest thing is, I still can wear my previously bought clothes.. The jeans I bought 4 years back, I still can wear! But why is my weight increasing and increasing?! I don't understand. Seriously. Feeling damn fucked up about it. Seriously I think that there is something wrong with me. How can I still be able to fit into my clothes when my weight kept on increasing? Weird... Feeling damn depwess :( Save me. Sigh.

And I just ate tiptop curry puffs that my bro bought and now I feel like vomiting. Like seriously.. Cannot resist temptations. And for the whole of today, I ate half of the sandwich, one cup of Mr Bean soya milk, coffee with biscuits and that bloody curry puff.

And Ben and I decided to invest in bicycles and both of us is gonna cycle here and there, there and here. To the gym, to Jalan Kayu for prata, to lower seletar airbase, to lower/upper seletar. Basically, everywhere that can be cycled to, we do it. Can't freaking wait. :D

I guess, this is the only happiest thing this week. :(

& I'm missing him so much. Why? We met just yesterday.

& I must be glad that Ben still love me just the way I am. His encouragement really made me have the determination! Super determined to get back to my original weight. Super. Its a challenge for me. I can do it!

Bye.

Colors on my eyes

Remember I was saying about my make up on Friday that I love it so much that I wanna share with you girls? Hehehehe! So here I am!

Alright, before I apply my foundation or any make up on my face. I will always...

1. Cleanse my face. Then tap dry.
2. Tone my face.
3. Moisturize. (Sometimes I'll skip the moisturzing step cuz if I use liquid foundation, I want it to have a glowing effect and not an oily effect.)

For me, I am using both compact powder and liquid foundation. Of course I don't use it both together la! Crazy! Sometimes compact and sometimes liquid. Hee! Its up to your choice to see which one do you prefer. :) I like both. If I want it to be quick, I'll use compact. If I've got all the time in the world, I'll use liquid!

Okay, so after your face make up.. Here comes the eye! I don't use primer for my eye because my eyeshadows don't fade. If you've got oily lids, it will be necessary for you to use eye primer so that the colors stay longer! 

1. Highlight your brow bone.
2. Tap light colors all over your lids. (I'll usually use shades of brown)
3. Choose something darker to define your eyes. Swipe it to and fro on the crease. Then slowly fade out. Blend it well if not you'll look damn funny! LOL!
4. Choose something bright or dark for the outer corner of your eyes. (Bright to make it look refreshing and dark to have a smokey effect!)
5. Choose white, silver or golden shimmery eye shadows for your inner corners.
6. Apply your fav eye liner! (Mine was Maybelline's gel eyeliner!)
7. AND Mascara. (I usually skip this step cuz super lazy!!)

Here are the colors for my eye make up!

My blusher!

White color to highlight your brow bone.

Brown all over the lids.

Golden brown for the crease.

Electric blue for my outer corner! And silver for my inner! 

Brushes I used for make it happen! 

YAY!

The reason why it appeared smokey for my outer corner is because my sister is damn lazy to clean the brushes after EVERY USAGE. And she looooooooove to use dark colors. I have to clean it for her before I can use. Sometimes very angry one lor! Cursing while cleaning. 

Oh ya, in the center of your lids, put some shimmery colors to make your eyes look brighter! 

Thats all I think. I hope I did not miss out anything. :X Oh yahh.. I don't put on fake lashes reason being because its a hassle and once you stop putting fake lashes, you'll look so pale!! So once in a while can put la.. But don't everyday put. One day you never put it will be a very big difference!! 

Okay, I think that's all. Sorry if you don't understand what I meant. :( 

Oh yeah, just in case you guys always think that I always post pictures of me with make up on and whatnots.  Here is two with NO make up on and my just wake up oily face and greasy hair. HEHEHE!

Don't say I like to act swee and appear swee swee on photos hor. Sometimes I go out I also don't put make up liao. AHAHAHAH! Okay la, does the big eye contact lens considered make up? 

BYE!

Ben's 21st Bday at Kbox (part 4)

Yesterday went for a mini celebration with Ben and his friends for some gatherings and his belated birthday. :D Ditched our plan on dining at either Meltz or Carousel. Went kbox instead for their dinner buffet + singing session!

"BABY OPEN YOUR EYES LEH"

His eyes wide open and me with the exact same expression. -.-

Wrong and awkward angle! Makemy face so huge! And me trying very hard to take picture of us and squeeze myself in! Lol!! *excuses*

-THE END-

For the past few days, I've been putting on lots of make up and its seriously killing me!!! I hate, I repeat.. I HATE to remove make up everytime! I find that its a chore to remove it. And you cannot just wash it away with just water! You have to use make up remover, cotton pad and whatever shits that is used to remove! I can stand in front of the mirror for 20 minutes to fully remove my make up. Now you know.. Why I dread it so much! 

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE to make up. I love to experiment new tutorials and using the eyeshadows to "color" my eyes. I love it! The satisfaction was enough to kill me. Hahahaha! Its just the aftermath of removing it dreads me. :(

Anyway I love my eye make up yesterday!

I'll blog the colors I used in the next post! The maroon brown can't really be seen from this picture! 

You guys should really await for the next post! Hehehehehe! I'll blog what I used and how I do my make up. Although me not a professional and my make ups are all learnt by some youtubers.. I am willing to share! Because sometimes, Caucasians and Asians eyes are different. So what the Caucasians wear for their make up might not be suitable for us Asians! And also, our eyes and double eyelids ah.. A bit smaller and less deep than theirs. Hhahahaha! 

Alright, take care everyone and enjoy your weekends! 

And lastly, it was a hell lots of fun this week!!! Ben and I really enjoy ourselves a lot! 

Tschus!