Been on a roller coaster ride everyday for the past week. Such a torture.
So many things on my mind but I can't voice it out... Till I broke down yesterday in school. Very embarrassing and I was sobbing and crying alone at the back of the staircase. It was so terrible. So damn terrible. I don't blame anyone at all. And it was nobody's fault. I'm really sorry for whatever that had happened.
It was probably the first time that my mates saw me behaving like that.. Yes, like a kid. Sigh.
All I can say is, I did not handle the situation well. If everything was alright beforehand, such things would not happen. My fault, my fault. My mind is a whirl and everything came tumbling down.. Such an emotional wreck. How great it will be if people have no feelings. So that the people around you will not get affected as well.
All is fine now. :) Still trying to overcome all these shits.
Ben was really sweet yesterday.
When he opened the door for me.. I started bursting into tears and he listened attentively (I assumed). Nothing of the sort that he console me but all I need was a listening ear.. And that was what he did, listened. Problems like this have no solutions. So yup, there's nothing he can do.
Feel so loved yesterday. :)
All I ever asked for was these problems to be solved. I know this month is gonna be a very tough month and I'm so afraid. So so afraid.. Thinking about it makes me scared.. But I have to face it. What made it worst was the projects.. Especially the Marketing Management project.. The guidelines are redundant and I don't know how or where to start. :(
But something to be happy for was the ICAs results I had. Although not very good but I was expecting some modules to fail! But I passed it all and some modules were pretty good! :) Damn happy. Gonna work so hard.
& law presentation today was shitty. My tutor is shitty and I sort of screwed it up. :(
So many things to say...
***
I love you no matter what. I know you needed me. I know it is gonna be tough on you. I know it is non of my business at all but I love you.. That was why I am willing to carry the burden together with you. Please stay strong. :( I am prepared for the worst. I really am.. I will always be there for you no matter what it is. You came such a long long way..
You know, I am so scared.. I don't wanna lose you. I am so scared.