Just to remind you

Just so you know, you can never be me and will never be. 

If you think that you can bring me down by all your dirty means and ways, bring it. I'll wait and see. What more did me, Jennifer, not went through? I've seen so many fucking stuffs more than you do and go through so many fucking stuffs more than you do. 

You this ugly piece of thing that is just a burden to the society. Go fuck yourself till you bleed and die. Please spare us the agony to see one less person like you in this world. Heal the world make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. 

Luvvvvsad

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”

~Josh Billings

***

I have to admit, this week is such a sucky week. :( I don't know why is it sucky but its just plain sucky. I have to force myself to fit into the surrounding, feel happy. I feel sucky. The food is sucky. Everything is sucky. I hate to feel this way. Maybe I am getting too emotional already. Letting unnecessary thoughts run through my mind and took over my emotions. It was plainly idiotic to feel this way because there's no reason to. :( Damn it. Why am I having this heavy heart? 

Probably... The reason is because Ben cannot book out tomorrow. How fucking sucky this is!! The only day that I always look forward to has been ruined because of some stuffs. :( Damn bloody sad to max. Sigh. I can feel my face being very sad and gloomy. Yes, I can fucking feel it. Nothing can make me happy for now.. Nothing.

Maybe some chill pills to calm myself. I need to.

I need to meet you.. :(

Harpeee

"Bb  you know hor, I really love you really wanna marry you and start a family. But I need to be financially stable.. I don't want anyone to suffer..."

24/10/10 11:02PM

Mundane

This week was such a mundane week. School end at 2 or 3 almost everyday. That's a plus point anyway. Modules this semester is more difficult than the first semester. :( 

Didn't head out at all during the weekends.  Fucking restless and all due to the monthly thing. Fucking hate it. Argh. Ben came over to accompany me and at the same time study for his law test. Am now waiting for him to come over my place again. This time, I'll do my tutorial and he will study again. Poor bb. Anyway his block leave is arriving soon!! Yayayy! Total of 13 days! And he promised to pick me up from school. Lets see if he keep his promise. Teeheeeee!

I.. can't breathe!

School has been pretty alright lately. Nothing much going on except for rushing to school and that haze thingy going on. Its pretty disturbing because the morning breeze is no longer a breeze. The moment you step out of your house, you don't feel the freshness of air anymore. I feel that it was as though you're smoking 24 hours. Even the smell is about the same. Fuck it. I can't breathe. Fuck this shit. It is fucking irritating. Some geeks or whichever fellow humans please do something about this fucking haze because I can slowly feel that I am dying. Serious.

Anyway, my favourite snack!

I called Ben just now and asked him to guess what am I eating. He got it right! Telepathy!

New semester! Modules are getting difficult already. But I think I can manage POM because I've learnt it before. 

Messages are lessen because I am busy with school. :( But.. Time really do pass damn fast. So meeting Ben will be faster! I am very tired.

Samsung

Ben and I are gonna invest ourselves with a camera! The both of us come to an agreement that wherever we go, we'll take pictures together as memories.

Anyway, I've been raving about Samsung camera since last year. It was a tad too expensive that can cost up to SGD500. Depends on where you get it. Hence, I dropped the idea and admire it from afar. Damn sad, I know. But seeing Samsung catching up with technology on digicams and having the awesome function called beauty shot, I guess it is time that I have to own it. What's more? For being such a narcissist, I ought to own it because their selfshot pictures is the best of the best of the best because of the screen in front!

Hopefully I'll saved enough and get it by mid December. Hee! Preparing for Christmas mah!

A good ol' week.

It was an awesome week spent and sadly, it is coming to an end. :( Last four days of my hols is really a blast! Met up with FC and had Sakae. Went over to her shop and accompany her till it closed. Haha! Chitty chatty so much stuffs!! The both of us can really relate to one each other! Zar came back from Aussie and we went Lau Pa Sat for dindin and later on Nana for some drinks on Friday. Hehe! Saturday is a shopping day and it was superb! Fatty came over and meet Ben and I. Talked so much stuffs and the both of them really made my day. We laughed non stop, its really non stop! Went over to Parkway Parade, Toby's for dindin. The place where they used to have their attachment as a chef. Their food is superb!!!! Had 2 plates of hot wings, shepherd's pie, spicy marinara and pork pizza. For their dessert, its the bomb! I forgot the name but its actually ice cream in brownie and then covered with meringue - burnt. Not really to my liking coz its a little too sweet for me. Today was just a normal day spent with Ben over at his place. Talked quite a bit about so many stuffs. So glad to have him because he taught me so much stuffs!!

The arctic bombshell if I'm not wrong.

Anyway, it is really a nice place to dine in. Their food is really tasty and you'll crave for more everytime! Trust me, it is definitely worth the money! :)

School. It will be the 2nd semester tomorrow and I wonder how it will go about. I chanted for a smooth semester ahead and everything will all go well. :) Its time to get busy again! One thing I dread is the pathway to school coz its a killer. Hot and stuffy like fuck. Confirm perspire like siao. Moreover, the weather these days aren't really good.

Another 5 days again.

今天我想用华文来写这个post. 不过我的华语不是很好，所以请多多原量我的错字。其时这几天都过得很开心， 因为上个星期我发现我的人生里都有好多关心我的人。你问我，我是怎么发现的呢？这很简单。。因为我收到了一个人的SMS。那个人只是简简单单的问我发生了什么事还有最经过的好不好。虽然我们很少见面但是他还是会问候我，after读了我的post. 不知道为什么我觉得好感动。。 其实在九月的时候我的心情真的好差好差， 因为我觉得我再你人生中以今不重要了。。 后来也没去想这么多就想想随便啦， 反正还有很多事情需要我去操心。。而且你也许真的是很忙， 我也无话可说。不过后来才发现， 一切都是骗人的。。 就我说的我以今不重要了。那时我的确是蛮难过可是我想了又想，是因为那件于我无关的事情吗？也许是吧。。也许你还没我想像中的那么成熟吧。这也不可以怪你，因为事情得出发点是因为那个而起的。 我只是单纯的想你们两做个朋友，可是我却没想到你们。。。咳。。 事情都发生了，我又能正样。我真的好后悔介绍他给你认识。

都以今一个月多了。。我想该是时候往前看而不要再为这个与我无关的事情而闷闷不乐了。如果起初我对你来说是个重要的朋友，你就不会不联络我。朋友对你而言是什么？一个陪你去喝酒的人吗？一个跟你一样会玩到疯的人吗？或择朋友对你而言是仪个了解你，关心你，十传世到而且accept any setbacks and go through with you without any hesitation的人吗？对不起，我想我玩也没玩得那么疯，喝酒是烂透的一个人。

一且也太迟了。。 我心中的朋友number 1以今被一个会关心我，了解我，知道我的感受，帮助我的人给取代了。

算了，我想没我这个朋友都无所谓因为你那些陪你玩到疯的朋友就以祝够了。

从今开始，没有你生活还是得造过，而且还会跟好因为我终于把心里想说的话给写在这个post。

Anyway, I had a super fun day today! Someone whom can relate to me and treat me like no outsider and talk like there's no tomorrow. Lets have the chocolate and TCC soon!

Sometimes, I really wonder why didn't I have thoughts. People make random thoughts about how's their life, what has been going on and what are they thinking of right now. But why do I always have a blank mind until the weekends arrive when I meet Ben? This is weird. I am actually kinda afraid of this situation right now. Wait a minute, am I saying my own thoughts in this post now? Its weird. This is scaring me. How do I actually portray any thoughts on my mind and sink into deep realisation or conclusion? I think I've got no life that's why I don't have any day to day thoughts of conclusion to be made. But, what makes me think so that people with their own busy life have random conclusion of thoughts to be made? Ok, I am confusing myself right now. But, still, it is scaring me a little because I feel extremely abnormal not having any thoughts on my mind now and then. 

Anyway, Zar is in SG right now. Might be meeting him on Friday for some chillax at some bar. No, it should be will be meeting him because I need to collect something back from him. Ben asked me to plan the outing for the night. Anyone any recommendations on which bar is nice? I don't want Timbre please because I want no live band. Preferably a jazzy kind of music bar, perfect dim and cosy lightings for... making out in the dark, not. Hahahaha.. Nevermind, I'll just go Google it. Or maybe I'll ask my Sis for some recommendations because she has got such a hardcore night life these days.

I just received a notification from Facebook.. Oh, was a message...

Firstly, I mind because you don't have a profile picture of your face (if you're goodlooking maybe I'll give). Secondly, minimum information about you turns me off. Thirdly, I am not a xmm who will give my numbers to people whom I don't even know. Lastly, I think it is pretty disturbing that all your Facebook friends are 90% women. Ahhhhh shit, why do I even accept you as a friend back then? Remove. I don't like people who are straightforward.. Beating about the bush is the game for me. Anyone? I prefer pick up lines to say that I'm pretty/beautiful/lovely/nice/whatsoever because I like people's admiration about me and I will show some appreciation by at least replying you a "Hey there. :) Sorry, I don't give my numbers to strangers. Anyway thanks for the compliment. Take care!" Messages above will be a chop and 100% chop ignored. 

Come on, girls like compliments and admiration. Right?

If I've got a chance I will want to try this.

I miss 2009.

I read back my 2009 entries just now. It was full of different emotions. Why is it so mundane now in 2010? :(

Life is so happening back then. What happened? Is it because Ben went NS and life has been so stagnant for me lately? I had my best birthday in year 2009 with Ben. The necklace he gave me was lost, I posted pictures diligently, I took pictures wherever I go.. I think I should really invest in the Samsung cam that I always wanted. He brought me to so many places and brought so much fun into my life. What happened this year?

I've stopped taking pictures.
I've been self indulging in deep thoughts.
I've been fagging too much.
I've not achieve anything yet.
I've been cooping myself up lately.
I've been on a roller coaster ride now and then.
Worst.. I am not happy at all this year.

What's wrong? What is fucking wrong?

Maybe I'll just sort it out with Ben tomorrow. Since he is booking out tomorrow evening.. We'll probably discuss it over dinner/supper.

I want to live my life to the fullest like how I did in 2009. So much fun and laughter.

It is time for some changes before 2010 come to an end. :)

Anyway, I found this picture of my Grandma during her 72nd birthday last year. She's beautiful.

I met her 2 days ago and she's aging so fast. Too fast. She has been always a strong and diligent woman. I've never seen her shed a single tear in my entire 20 years of life. And.. I feel bad. I didn't even take any pictures with her at all.. I think I'll take a few pics with her when she's over at my place next time. Same goes for Mom and Dad. :)

Mine did

Did your boyfriend tell you how beautiful you are and always will?

Mine did.

I think every men who has a girlfriend should tell them how beautiful they are and those sweet nothings at least once per week. Who wouldn't love compliments and be appreciated? It just... brighten up your entire day. 

I don't know why I feel so happy today. Maybe because I had my macaroni! But no.. I think it was because of the companion. It made me feel that I am not alone after all these while. I just feel that I got cared by someone who was silently reading my blogpost and asking me "Am I alright". It was... such a simple gesture that made me feel I am wanted. Although I am so afraid of the awkwardness beforehand but everything just falls into place when I met you. This connection with you is something that is indescribable. Thank you so much for asking. Thank you so much for caring. Thank you.

Excited!

I can't wait for Thursday to arrive!!!

You know, I know.

Nothing but you

So... I chose this lovely Revlon Colorstay in Toast! I don't know why it is selling so freaking expensive in SG. Sigh. Like 2 times more than US man. But its good stuff so I think it is worth the money. Anyway, I have yet to try it. Maybe I'll play with this lovely later on when I feel like experimenting new eye color. Hehe thank you my dear boyfriend for buying it for me. This is his first time actually allowing me to buy make ups and whats more he's paying for it! He always think that I am wasting my money because I keep buying make ups and all. :( But this is the first time that he actually bought it for me! Heh heh.

I'm gonna catch some ang moh drama now. I am bored to death already!!! GLEE here I come come come~ So many drama to watch when there is such a thing called streaming leh~ 

OH YA I PLAYED L4D2 AND IT IS FREAKING AWESOME LEHZZ. I wanna play again!! Although I suck at it but its so fun! Hahahahahahahahaaaa! I keep almost want to die and the guys keep giving me their health pack. :( Damn pai seh. Heh heh heh.. BABY THIS WEEKEND OKIE?! 

Tell me I've got my best...

Super love them.

Ben: Just pick anything off the shelves and I'll buy it for you.

Me: Really ah? Sure or not??

Ben: Ya. *held my hand*

Me: Okay!! 

Guess what I bought? Hehehehe!

I am crazeeeee!

I guess I am crazy over that guy in the novel!!!! 

You have to satisfy the urge.

I just got the urge to blog.

Memories, memories, memories. A thing that will either haunt you or leave you feeling happy when you think about it. It was actually memories that always make us reminisce and think of how things have changed for the better and how you actually entered a different phase of life during these years. I will entering my next phase of life real soon. I will make sure I make the best out of everything so that when it become a memory, it is a memory that will make me smile unknowingly.