Just going to share a story with you guys that my friend told me.
There was once this pretty deer that was incredibly jealous of the lioness's wildly acclaimed beauty. No matter which animal she asked, everyone would say that the lioness was the most beautiful of all. She wanted every animal to hate her and hatched a plan. So one night, when the lioness was asleep, the deer went to bruise and cut herself badly and knelt down beside the lioness. The next day, all the animals immediately assumed that the lioness had injured the deer with the intention to eat her. No one knew that in actual fact, the deer was the mastermind..
Isn't it scary how the animals automatically assume things? After hearing this, I wonder how many people out there behave like that too.
What happened to the lioness in the end? It's up to you. Do you really think that the lioness will give up just like that? :)
This story can relate to my current situation that I am in. I am not here to seek sympathy, but just to write out the actual fact that had happened; my side of the story.
Maybe I was dumb or I was naive to think that things would change for the better. I thought that I was thinking too much but little did I know that I am not thinking too much anymore. Many people were only listening to your side of the story. But who is gonna be listening to mine? I've not told anyone about it, until NOW.
I forgive you many times for whatever things that you did to me, knowing that you did not did it on purpose. But I was wrong, apparently.
I am not here to seek sympathy from anyone of you. Nor did I want everyone to be siding me. But I feel that I need my justice. Every time when I told myself not to self pity is for a reason.
I do not want others to see me weak.
I do not want others to see me crying.
I want to appear strong in front of every one of you.
Recently, there is this current project that we have. Yes, the dateline is still far away but do you know the decision a person make will jeopardize other people's future? When I asked how the project was going on on Monday, you said that we will be discussing it over on Wednesday. I took the initiative to ask you when and what time are we meeting but on Tuesday, you did not even tell me what time to meet for the Wednesday’s discussion. On Thursday I received ground breaking news! You have already approach the lecturer on Monday itself. And why did you tell us that we are meeting on Wednesday for the project discussion when you actually wanted a change of group. Aren’t you wasting everyone’s time? The best part is when the lecturer ask you..
Lecturer: “So do you still want to split group?”
You merely answered
You: I don’t know.
“I don’t know?” Haven’t you decided on it when you approached the lecturer on Monday? Since you have already made the decision why did you want to keep us in the dark? If I did not have trusted my instincts and approached the lecturer to talk about the project how long will you be keeping us in the dark? Till the submission of project?
I was indeed dumbfounded. Why in the first place you told me you wanted to discuss it? Why in the first place you said that you are already working on the project? Why in the first place that you wanted to do this to us? Why? Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to split in the first place when I asked you how the project is going on? Why must you be doing this?
If I did not approach the lecturer would you even tell me that you guys wanted to split and work on the other topic? Would you? Please think that over yourself.
Do you really want me to be in my wits end and then you will be feeling happy? Do you really want to see me die and you're gonna be elated? When you did these things have you ever thought that how the both of us (NOT just me) will be feeling?
Have I not been treating you as a friend? If I did not even treasure this friendship in the first place, I would have leave you with not a single point for the previous projects that you had not been contributing much. Did I even do that? No, I did not. Because I still treat you as a friend.
Because of these projects, you cried to others that I am being angry with you. You cried to so many others that I am bullying you. But did I even tell anyone about it? Did I not cry and carry on with the project till the next morning that you couldn't manage to complete? I went back to school with heat rash all over my face and body the next morning. Did I even complain a single bit? You said that you're sick and you did not go to school last minute. When I asked you to send me the things that you did, you just merely copied everything down from what she did. Less than a page write up.. The both of us practically went pale. But the thing is, am I not sick that day? I still did go to school because I feel that it is my job to complete the project and hand it up because it was already the last day. If I am not there, she will be doing the project all alone by herself.
I am a human afterall. I have got feelings. I have got feelings on what you did to me.
Whatever you did… I am basically…almost speechless. Seriously.
Like what Ben said, Buddhism believes in Karma. What goes around comes around.
And I know you have been reading my blog for this whole week hoping to see what I have written. I have finally written my piece from the bottom of my heart.
Believe me or not, it is not my business anymore. I am sick of everything. Everything that others see me as.
And, I don't understand why you need to be doing this. What did I even do to you?
Just stop telling others the way I am not anymore. Just stop.
P.S. It took me a lot of courage to write this entry. So if you, the reader, opt to believe in the other party, then I have nothing else to say; there will always be 2 sides to a coin. I am only saying this ONCE to get this off my chest.
This is my blog. If you don’t like what I write, please leave. Thank you.