I guess its really over. I think the song 'Over You' really suit me right now.
My sixth sense is telling me that something is wrong and it has been bothering me for the entire day. Feeling super duper uneasy. I don't wanna doubt nor do I wanna question about it. I want the truth to be known naturally.. Without me digging every bits and pieces out. And tell me, who the hell am I to do that now?
For the past month, I don't even know what the hell am I doing. School, chill, club and home every week. Harming my body with more and more nicotine. It's like my daily meal. I can even skip meals and smoke the whole day just to keep me full. This explains why I look sick and I AM SICK. And it also fucking explain why my cough isn't recovering at all. At the rate like this, I'll probably die at the age of 30.
It was recently that I realised, I've always been neglecting the people around me for the past 6 years. I've never known and felt that I've been loved by many before. All along, the people around me cared so much that I didn't even realise it. I'm always turning my back against them regardless of any situation that I'm facing. Cuz I always thought that I'm strong enough to handle every single problem myself and having you just makes everything better. But then, I was so wrong.
Now that you're gone, I'm lost. I'm never as strong as I thought I am. Maybe I was living in self denial all along that having you is the best thing on Earth.. You solve everything for me when I'm facing shitloads. But when it comes to our problem, I find myself struggling. In fact, both of us are struggling. Struggling to breathe and solving the problem.. You always tell me to sleep the problem away and tomorrow will be a better day. I did and it just accumulates.. The problem never did go away.. Never..
After losing you, my circle of friends widened.. I'm loving the life I'm leading now... I'm thankful for all my friends around me. Really grateful for their guidance and help. And I open up to them more now. I'm no longer keeping all the emotions in me.. I let it all out and it never felt so great before.
I guess you're all ready to move on. I wish you all the best and thank you for all the wonderful memories you've given me. It will be etched deeply in my heart. And I really hope you'll find yourself back. The Ben that I've just met. So suave and playboyish. You taught me many stuffs that I've never known. I'll always remember everything that you've done for me. And seeing you grow up is the best thing that had happened in my life. Good luck for your future endeavours and I hope you find the right girl soon. :)