Come what it may be.

I am prepared for everything, anything.

Goodnight, sweet dreams. Its time to start chanting. :)

I can sense that something is not right and things are gonna change very soon. I'm starting work next week. That is like 1 week before ICAs. :( Anyway, I believe I can do it. Juggling both studies and work at the same time might be tiring but I won't give up my job because of my studies, vice versa. I need the money so much & I want my diploma so much.

I'm suspecting kiki to have rheumatism. :( Weather is cold these days in the night and my baby has been crying in the night these days. Sigh. I need money to bring him to the vet. That will be like 1 month from now. Although I hate humid weathers, but I just want the weather NOT to be cold these days so that baby will feel better in the night. I just hope my dad will stop feeding him human medications because it might take him away from me one day. I am not prepared for it and I don't want this day to come.

I need the job I need the money to provide for kiki and myself.

Sometimes, they are not so dependable at all.

Succumbing

Sometimes, you just have to succumb to life.

I totally agree with this quote "Everything in life is luck. ~Donald Trump". Don't you agree with it? What is life without luck? Nothing. You will see yourself in your worst state when you're down on luck. Trust me. Did you have any downfall of it yet? Wait till your turn come, then you'll realise how important luck actually is. Everyone will feel unlucky, be unlucky or maybe be unlucky for many years. But, don't give up because no one will be unlucky forever. There will be a day when you're too busy receiving luck.. That is when you make good use of it and not take it for granted. 


On a side note, I am just wondering.. Does having a religion enlighten you or destroy you? Tell me about it.

FML DAY!

YAY! Today is fuck my life day!

Fucking shiok because kena fuck till sibei jia lat.

Baby Chloe; Muji; Max Brenner; PT Job

Past week

Baby Chloe. Love her shock face.

***

Ion with Ben. Muji's pen ftw.

***

Max Brenner with FC! Fucking awesomely good stuff.

***

Ben came over to my place today because I need to complete my Marketing project. <3 So thoughtful. Hehehehe! 

Anyway, he bought my Monopoly Deal because I've been telling him how fun it is and he bought it for me. Yayyay! Oh, and he bought me a mouse coz the mouse my bro bought was spoilt like 2 months ago. Happy! 

Played Monopoly deal with him and he kept winning. Fucking angry okay! Out of so many games I only won him twice. His dumbass strategy fucking good which I think.. Not many people can do it. He totally pwn my sis and I la! Fucking idiotic and I ignored him. Hahahahahahaahaha! Fucking sore loser me. So what?! I'm his girlfriend, he should let ME WIN. Don't care lor. 

And my kiki so cute and lovely. Love him many many.

No love for Ben today because he kept winning and don't let me win. 

Anyway, I got the job as a retailer or some sort. :) Damn happy because I am working with FC! The boss called me this evening and told me to meet her on Tuesday! Yippie yay! Been wanting to work as a part timer for a very long time but I don't think I can manage. But looking at this situation now.. I think I can! :D Anyway, I'm really happy that I can work there! My family is supporting my decision. Hehe! Needless to say, Ben is totally 100% supporting me although meeting him will become lesser. :( But still he's happy for me and he pat pat me. Hahahahaha!

Now, I've got this little income Ben and I can finally lessen our burden. Because my dad is not working now because of the accident few months back. My allowance was cut by nearly half because of that.. And I don't have much savings. So Ben mostly paid for everything when we go out with his that little amount of money. He said he don't mind at all but I feel bad. Really bad. This job just come right on time!! Thank you FC!! Thank you so much for introducing me this job! I'm really grateful!!

Everything is just great! 

Life is just that great sometimes even though this is littlest thing. 

Goodbye

Sometimes, many people took things for granted. Because of that it set me thinking, why be so nice?

Life suck so much for the past week. 

I learnt something today. Control. I controlled myself and shifted my direction to something new. It feels so good. So fucking good.

I hate people who tries too hard. Come on, don't bother trying. You still suck in every way.

Eff writing tomorrow. Got a feeling I will fail cuz my tutor suck and she's a full time fucking emo and paranoid bitch who can't teach for fuck sake. 

It can buy happiness

Sometimes, I think that being rich can actually buy you happiness. Well, that is what I think. You may not agree with me but you gotta read on to maybe... partially agree with me.

Have you ever wanted that "thing" so much that you realised that you didn't have money to buy it? Then, you have to work so hard to earn that pathetic little amount from your part time job, you bought that "thing". You're broke once again.

Tell me, how many of you actually worked as a part timer to get stuffs that your parents wouldn't agree to buy it for you? Well, me.

I did not exactly work as a part timer but I saved so damn bloody hard to get the things I want. I am never born with a silver spoon nor my parents are rich. Mind you, some parents are NOT rich but their kids are pampered like anything whatever okay! I am not given extra allowances like many other kids do these days. Well, my allowances can cover my transport and food expenses. Sometimes, I heng appetite small then I'll have savings. But normally the allowances I had is enough for me to bypass the week.

I am NOT blaming my parents for not giving me more money for my allowances nor am I blaming them for not being rich.

If.. my parents were rich I wouldn't have to think about all these stuffs.. I can at least 80% get the things that I wanted so much. I don't have to worry about wanting to get more money from them in fear that the household allowances is not enough.

Wouldn't that make me happier and free from worries? I've never ask money from my parents at all since young. Neither did I even tell them to buy me things. Sometimes, they cut my allowance but I did not even bother to ask them why. I know the reason why. I fucking know it.

All the things that I own is all what I saved.

Haha. Anyway, this post is just so random. Some may not agree with me. But who wouldn't wanna be rich and buy whatever stuffs that you want without worrying? Don't tell me you don't lor because humans are just some greedy fucks that is surviving with a thing called money. Anyhoo, I am not complaining about my parents or whatever shits that you may think of. I am indeed thankful that they shelter me with food, clothes and love. :) THIS, is a necessity! <3

Seriously, what the fucking fuck is wrong with you? What troubles did I fucking create?! Is sometimes those brainless stupid assholes talk some ljwei to me okay! So they come jiao wei with me means I create trouble la. What the fuck?! I sb angry like anything now. I know sometimes I will swear like anything but that is because I am fucking angry. Please! For fuck sake go fuck yourself.

AND PLEASE, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER CREATING ANY TROUBLES OKAY. And I don't know how the hell did you even THINK that I create trouble?! For the LYX guy who is just a piece of shit who talks senseless things to me came adding me on MSN. Didn't even give 2 fucks about it until he come jiao wei simi lan jiao things with me then I shoot back okay! You think I so free go entertain him ah. He siao kia wanna sign simi peace treaty with you hor. Ended up he said sorry what when I confronted him. SO I CREATE TROUBLE AH.

SIAO EH!!!!! Seriously, go fucking get the facts right. Don't always BELITTLE ME IN SUCH WAYS. I believe sometimes I am calmer than you and smarter than you in a way. You're just witty, that's all. THAT'S ALL YOU FUCKING GET IT. Nothing but witty.

Bull shit is what makes you. _|_

Daily night routine.

Cleanse my face with bodyshop seaweed facial wash.
Used Follow Me UV O2 white toner then moisturiser.

Sometimes before moisturiser, I'll put on my St Ives Clay mask or MBS Pearl mask.

Must do for me for a better skin! Anyway, I've started using anti aging products because its time.. Gonna start young before its too late. I think.. The ideal age to start using should be 20 and above.

Hooray for better complexion. Oh and I don't usually put any powder on my face already since its getting better, don't need hide it anymore!

I'm a leopard who changes its spots, but no one ever sees it.

Can I say, people always thought that I have bad intentions? I did not.. Really...

Sometimes I just think that my life is not worth living for. It was so dramatic that I cannot take it anymore. Please stop fooling me.. I've went through my fair share of mishaps. Its time I see life in a beautiful way.. Please..

How many people actually still do come to this space? I bet there's none?

No one can understand how I feel. Tell me, who can see the change in me? None I guess. People always portray me to be grumpy, fierce and unfriendly. But I am none of these now. Who knows? None. I am willing to compromise what I think is for the better for everyone. But it seems that no one actually give a damn about it. I really wonder why did I change so much over the years.. Sometimes I just wished that none of those shits happened and I can be me. I don't worry about anything in the past & I say what I like. Now.. I have to think of words to say because I'm afraid some may not like it. I care.. I care for everyone.. I treasure.. I treasure every single one of you around me. But.. Who actually feel the same way as I do? Again, none?

It is not that I wanna shut myself out from everyone. I always feel safe in my nutshell. Always..

This week is such a bad week. I feel hurt, sad, angry and useless. Nothing seems to be in place. I've lost someone and soon another one.. Do they even know the hurt they caused? It was so unbearable.. I shiver in fear everytime I think of it.

I need hugs or just a pat..

Who is willing to give me free hugs? I will gladly accept it. Can I say thank you in advance first?

I'll keep these memories

Although I still can feel the heartaches but I'm feeling better. I'm still missing you as much. I don't hope for anything now. I will pray for you. I will keep these memories with me till I grow old. You'll still be around for another 45 days. I hope you will come into my dreams and tell me why did you said sorry..

I'll go touch up tattoo for you. Make it nice nice since its fading kinda badly. I promise.

I still can't let go..

Tell me what/how should I do to make me feel better? Whenever I'm alone I thought of you. The pain you went through. The day you held me hand. Everything... Images of you kept appearing in my mind. You smiling so cheerfully and your ever loud voice.. You showing me your tattoos and asking me to touch it cuz you said some of it should not be popping out and the artist used a lousy ink..

I was at your wake yesterday. Do you know I'm there? I really miss you a lot..

Why did you have to go.

Always in my heart

Every flashbacks of us came running through my mind. Suddenly, I remember every single detail of us together. It was a funny one. You used to be the bully back in primary school with the guys in class. Bully me till like there's no tomorrow. You know how much I used to dislike you so much back then? Haha. You're so playful and I remember you can run like damn fast. Oh and your center parting, that is like the coolest shit ever back in our days and you always love to take out your orange comb and comb your those little amount of fringe. Haha. After PSLE, we lost contact. 

It was 4 years ago that you found me on friendster, complimenting that I became prettier. Hehe. Back in primary school you always say that I'm fat and whichever nasty words to me. Was surprise that you actually find the fat and ugly girl when she's 11 to be pretty 5 years later. We added each other on MSN and then we exchange numbers. But we never texted each other at all.. Until one day you decided to text me and asked me how am I doing. You text me at the right time, my boy. It was the time when I am so fucking down and depressed that you came into my life and asked me to stay strong and be by my side whenever you can. Seeing you with so many tattoos on your arms and body it make me pop you the question "Your tattoo not pain meh?". Being the always like to act suave guy, you said "No la. Not pain at all".. I was wondering, how can it be? And told you I wanted to have one and you this steady pom pi pi guy agreed immediately. 

I met you after school after not seeing you for so many years.. It was so awkward that I feel like running away from you. You grew so tall and handsome BUT still as skinny as ever. We took the train to Chinatown and during the whole journey you kept trying to make me talk. But haha I was still as quiet. Your plan totally fail la! When we reached your friend's shop, they thought that I am your girlfriend. But haha you said something like "No la. If yes then good lor.". Making me so paiseh like anything. Then it was choosing of my tattoo design. Initially I wanted a small fairy but you said that why put so small. Put a bigger one. So you helped me choose the sparrow above because you said that it was unique and it suits me. I agreed. The whole process took about 4 hours. You said that I am so brave because I did everything at one go, the lining and the shading. You held my tiny hand for the whole 4 hours.. I still remember the watch that you are wearing. A silver one that was too big for you.. When there's too much blood, you helped me tap dry and hold it there for me. I was happy that day. After all is done, you brought me to Guardian and buy me the lotion for tattoo and reminded me that I have apply it every time after my shower. I did it.

Every now and then you'll text me random stuffs. You tried to woo me before but I rejected because I still love Ben a lot. After knowing that I am back together with Ben you seldom text me already. And you said that you don't want the same thing to happen to me again.. The last time you called me was earlier this year and I scolded you because you pranked me. I got so angry that I ignored your text. The last text message was April this year.. You sent me a long and meaningful text message telling me that I have to be strong.. That was the last time I heard from you....

Until yesterday, the news shocked me. 

I will never receive any random text from you anymore.

I will never hear from you anymore.

Never again.

Initially the tattoo was to remind me that I have to stay strong.. But now.. it changed. My tattoo was for you. The guy who will never ignore me whenever I am feeling down.. 

Goodbye Chun Wei.. You're safe and sound now. You'll never have to be worried about those stupid policeman anymore. You can now put your mind at ease and never be worried about anything anymore. 

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Rest in peace my friend. You'll forever be in my heart. Forever...

It was a sleepless night. I toss and turn and I couldn't get to sleep. But.. I eventually did after 30 minutes. It was such a blurry dream that I couldn't remember. I literally jumped up from the blurry dream and thought of you. Did you woke me up and wanted to tell me something? I couldn't sleep at all after that. I was staring at the red light of the charger feeling scared. I couldn't sleep at all.. I checked my phone it was 1.11am. So quiet.. I decided to wake my mom up and I slept beside her like a child. I felt shivers behind me. It was so cold.. So cold... And I fall asleep again.. Woke up at 3am and saw a stream of white light.. Something that I did not see before.. Were you there? Were you really there?



For you...

All the flashbacks

I am lost for words. We were once so close together.. Its all gone.