It was a frightful night. I forced myself to sleep and I did it. I woke up feeling bruised and torn. One new message that doesn't even make me feel better. I stopped. Now I am gonna go to the indian mama shop and buy my fags. Today is the 4th. If I can persevere more it will be good. But I can't. I need it to calm myself. I want no cold hands and feet I am feeling so weak and torn. I don't want to be a loser. Hush. No crying. Everything is gonna feel better when the toxic just fills your lungs.