When is his turn?

When can my baby POP? :(

Independence

I guess I am not that independent yet.

Last week was such a torment week for me. Ever since I came back from Bintan, things had been going downhill. I almost break down oh wait a minute, I break down a few times in one day. I cried my lungs out like some motherfucker drunkard bitch. I seriously don't know what happened that week. Everything was alright to begin with but I just fucking screwed it up. Well, it isn't entirely MY FAULT but I think I hold a bigger percentage of it. Glad that things had been resolved and my life is at the peak again! Although this vacation was not much fun but I think I spent it quite wisely? Been reading and reading and reading lately. Super love how the author actually bring me to another world and from there I picture everything in my mind myself.

I can't wait for October 15th to come! Ben promised to bring me for a shopping spree to prepare myself for the next semester. Hehe. Talking about semester... Results were released yesterday and I am very very disappointed. Not that I failed but I just feel that if I did not study last minute I would have scored better. My time management this time round is freaking bad. :( Never in my life I scored such a low GPA. Never. I am always on the high side of the GPA but this time round I think I am at my lowest. If there is anything lower than what I am currently holding, I will and definitely cry. Perhaps, I am setting such a high goal for myself that when I don't achieve it I am fucking depressed. Ya ya, I told everyone that I don't feel like studying after my diploma but.. Why am I still chionging for my GPA? I don't know either.

I guess everything just sums up to I am playing my part as a student and as a daughter to do my parents proud. I guess it is that simple.

Sometimes it is not that I don't want to join you with your family members. It was because I feel awkward and I want the both of us to have some time alone. Ever since you enlist into NS, we have always been spending time with your family members. I stay over your place and all. I feel that it is not right to be staying over your place almost every week. Me myself hate it a lot because I am not even engaged with you and whatsoever but I kept staying over at your place. Your parents pay for my dinner every weekend. I feel so... bu hao yi si. It is not I don't like your parents. It was because I feel that I have to appear goody goody and presentable. I cannot be myself.. I feel so stressed sometimes and I don't know what to do when I am over at your place. I know you are stressed over this issue but I don't want you to be stressed either. I feel so bad having you to schedule everything just to please both sides. I know you love your family a lot.. But please.. You have to spare a thought for me as well.. I don't want your family to see me as a petty and unreasonable girl.. Because everytime when I say I don't wish to join you guys you just went ahead and tell your family that you're not attending in an angry manner. It sound as though it is all my fault... Sigh.

I'm feeling much better!

I woke up with puffy eyes. Cannot even see my double eyelid! :( But its okay, I'm feeling better now. In fact much much much better than yesterday! 

I've got no mood to blog. Hehe meeting Ben later. Finally after 12 days!!! Both of us had waited so long! I can't wait. Even if I am having a little cramp I'd still go meet my lovely boy. He sent the most touching and sweetest message this morning at 5am. 

I'll persevere on because I know I can get out of this shithole. :) So what if I've got no friends. I've got the loveliest babies on Earth. 

Love.

It was a frightful night. I forced myself to sleep and I did it. I woke up feeling bruised and torn. One new message that doesn't even make me feel better. I stopped. Now I am gonna go to the indian mama shop and buy my fags. Today is the 4th. If I can persevere more it will be good. But I can't. I need it to calm myself. I want no cold hands and feet I am feeling so weak and torn. I don't want to be a loser. Hush. No crying. Everything is gonna feel better when the toxic just fills your lungs.

Forget the times he walked by, Forget the times he made you cry, 

Forget the times he spoke your name, Remember now your not the same. 

Forget the times he held your hand, Forget the sweet things if you can,

Forget the times & Don't pretend, Remember now he's just your friend.

Truth

Actually all along, this is nothing compared to everything that I thought of. Say I am naive or I am dumb. I am struck twice, this time with only a heavy heart. Why? Maybe I am all prepared for the worst because I know preparation for it is important. I stepped in unprepared and now I am gonna step out with a prepared heart and face the worst that I thought is always a fairytale.

Such love.

"Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion."

Clap

Didn't fag at all after my return from Bintan. And now I need it so much. Because of you.

I just hope that this will end quickly because I know I can't take it anymore.

I am back.

Yoohooooo! I am back from Bintan. Ok, I was back from Bintan last evening!

It... was not a very nice trip I must say. I'll tell you more when I feel like blogging again and with pictures!

Baby, can we go Desaru instead of Bintan if we want a getaway? Baby please...

Almost Heaven

So.. My cousin bought me this romance book from Judith Mcnaught on my birthday this year. I only started reading it now because hehe, I've got all the time in the world now! 

Everytime, when I start picking up this book and read the first few pages, I will put it down and go do other stuffs. But for today, I sat down and read and read and read and the more exciting it got because I wanted to know the past and what happened. Hahahahahaaa! It is a very different book from what I always read. Like.. for example P.S I love you is totally different from this book. I don't know how to put it in words but yeah, what my cousin said is true. This author is totally worth your time flipping through chapters and chapters of her book. Thumbs up! 

Anyway I'm leaving Bintan in the morning tomorrow for a short getaway! This book comes just in time because it will be tanning at the beach with a book and a drink and an Itouch! TEEHEEE! Oh, I will be trying snorkelling for the very first time of my life and I reckon will be the last. I super dislike the sea and whats more.. I can't swim. :( But its a lifetime experience and the underwater world is so much of a difference on land. Por pi everything goes well. I tell ya, I super scared!

I'll be back on a Sunday night. So yeah.. Can't even meet Ben for a short while. :( 12 days didn't get to see him. 

Alright, take care everyone! Hehehehehehehe!

For you, Benji

I've never felt so blessed to be with the man I love so much. Everyday, this feelings grow and it has never stopped growing.  

He is the man, that watched me fall and see me grow. 

He is the man, that I always share my problems with.

He is the man, that always listen to me whenever something is troubling me.

He is the man, that taught me so many things that I've never known.

He is the man, that loves kiki as much as I do.

He is the man, that cooks my favourite dishes.

He is the man, that will always be my side.

He is the man, that love me with all his heart.

He is the man, that always give me hope.

He is the man... That made me.. Become.. Who I am today..

Thank you so much Ben.

A little update

Went shopping with Ben yesterday! I'm so jealous. I really don't understand why male VANS shoe is so fucking pretty and wow but female ones are just so ordinary! Major dislike! Humph. And yes, Ben bought himself a havianas and a VANS shoe. Both so pretty! :( I got nothing for myself. BUT! Ben bought me a Adidas purple waterbottle which I always wanted above. Thanks love. Hehe shopping again on the 15th! I can't wait and we didn't really celebrate our anni yesterday because everything was so rush. :( But its okay! Hehe!

Anyway, I went clubbing with my Sis and her friends on wednesday. Super underdress me because it was such a impromptu decision. Anyway, had fun because my Sis's friends were like so fucking funny to the max. Hahahahahaaaaa.. 

Helped Rosy to make up! Hehehehe. Anyone want make up services? ;P

One of the bosses at Attica. :D

More photos on fb!

See, told ya! I am freaking under dress and the bouncer even made fun of me of being short. Bloody sad and I wanna hide from that place forever. :(

Okay, and I hate the length of my hair now. Not long not short is the worst length. KNS. 

Ben called so gtg!

I am back!!

After 2 weeks of never ending revisions and exams, I am finally done with it!! Phew! I've never been so stressed up before. Even when I'm taking my finals during my ITE days, I'm not even that stress. However, all papers are over!! Yayyyy!

I.Need.To.Replenish.My.Sleep.Desperately.

For the past 2 days I slept less than 12 hours.. I don't know if I'm having insomnia or whatsoever, but I became a very light sleeper nowadays. Die early leh. :( My eyes were puffy for the past 3 days too, and even today. Ugly.

Anyway, Ben bookout early today! So I met him at Sembawang Shopping Centre since he shared a cab with his friend. Brought him to Astons for dindin! Didn't even finish my share and I wonder how did I even finish it the previous time. My stomach giu zhui (shrink) isit? Gave him my portion in the end. Haha.

He bought me EPO for my cramps and at the same time to improve my skin's condition. Hehe! Please, make it work. I want no cramps anymore!!

Then cabbed to CWP to meet his parents to buy his laptop! Actually wanted Dell but the salesperson said that Dell is gonna redraw itself from Asia countries! Bo bian, dropped the idea of buying Dell and he bought Acer instead. It is freakingly cool lah the laptop! Take picture show you when I'm over at his place. Hahahaa super like the service from the salesperson! Accompanied his parents for dinner and Ben and I shared herbal chicken. I TELL YA, THE HERBAL CHICKEN IS DAMN DAMN NICE. Awwww.. Hungry again

Decided not to stay over because I really need my sleep. Tomorrow's a long long day with Ben and I need the energy!

***

Baby thank you for listening to my nonsense for the past 2 weeks. 

Really appreciate it and if it is not because of your encouragement, I would have given up.

Thank you so much! 

Lets gonna have so much fun later on! 

Love ya lots my Boy, you're the best!

Funny

My sis was so scared that I went bonkers last night.

Miss me!

OMGAH~ I'll be right back peepos!

I promise. I've been so busy dating the books and I seriously has got no time to waste anyanyanymore! Parrrdon me!

I just took new pictures with Ben with his no.1 haircut! Hahahahhaa. Omg, so ugly. And yeah, you can see my pimple outbreak face. :( Triple sad. But its healing already. Blame it on the exams because I slept late and when I wake up, *poof* pop so many newly grown with zits. :( I took care of it, wash it, apply it and mask it. Heeee.

I'll be backkkk. Miss me and come here often so that I know I'll be missed! Heh.

Wish me luck on my exams.. I DON'T WANT REMODULE AH! Por pi por pi!

5th

It has been 5 long years that we are sharing our lives together as a couple. 

Happy 5th Anniversary.

Love you baby, lots and always will. 

Though we can't spend this special together this year, but its okay. Every day is an anniversary day. 

Meeting you is the happiest thing on Earth that can ever happen.